everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
