part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
