would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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