New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
