she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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