i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
