About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
