Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
