Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When are your genitals available?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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