I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
