in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
