Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
