the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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