If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
