I accidentally had phone sex last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
