You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
