we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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