You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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