some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
