I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
