so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
