Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize