Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
