Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
