the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
