Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
