I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
