I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize