You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
