The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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