Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
