Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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