I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
