Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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