well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize