69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
