Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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