Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
