sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
