She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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