Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
