I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
