Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
