that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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