I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Of course I have a pirate flag
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
