You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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