It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
