Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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