we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
