who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Even my vagina gasped.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
