Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
