I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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