I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
