brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
