Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize