He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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