Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
