How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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