that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How does one acquire holy water?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
