Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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