if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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