this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
