Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
