Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
