Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
